Autistic Interviews #18 Sydney

Welcome to the series of online interviews “Autistic Interviews”!

Here you will find different Autistic Voices and Real Life Stories shared, each one unique and highlighting different lived experiences, whilst sharing a common ground: autism. Participants choose which questions to answer, in their own style, making each interview a totally authentic real life story! 

There will be more interviews being conducted in the future including more Autistic Interviews, Family/Carers/Friends Interviews, Self Diagnosers who were assessed and told they are not autistic (what happens to them?!), and collaborative interviews with multiple autism folk answering questions together for a super interesting look at the spectrum! 

If you, or someone you know, would like to take part in future, please email auntie-autism@mail.com to be alerted about and sign up to future interviews.

Views expressed in the interviews are the individuals, not my own. 

Now, for the next interview in the series, here’s Autistic Interviews #18 Sydney:

Name: Sydney

Age: 23

Sex: Female

Gender: Cisgender

Nationality: United States/American

Diagnosis: Diagnosed autistic age 11

Why is diagnosis important to you?

Diagnosis is important to me because it gives me a concrete reason as to why I am the way I am. I’ve always been weird and with an Autism diagnosis, I know why. It’s incredibly affirming to know what’s going on with my brain and have the words to explain what’s going on with me.

Is anyone else in the family autistic? 

My mom is pretty positive she’s on the spectrum, too. Although I was diagnosed at eleven, I didn’t start researching Autism until I hit college. The more I researched, the more I understood about myself, so the more I shared with my mom. The more she heard, the more she reacted, “Oh! Oh. Oh. . .” So she’s self diagnosed Autistic now since too much of what I was telling her about me made sense for her.

Do you think being diagnosed in childhood was overall beneficial or did it have negative consequences?

I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. While I was diagnosed in sixth grade, I didn’t really do any research into it until college due to embarrassment. My parents didn’t seem to do much research on how to raise an Autistic kid, either. They did their best, absolutely, but I feel like the diagnosis didn’t really change much at the time. Now, as an adult, having researched Autism more and more, I feel very affirmed. But as a kid, I didn’t. I don’t think it had much of an effect.

Do you tell people you’re autistic? 

I absolutely do! My motto is if I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, how will I ever improve? I don’t use my diagnosis as a crutch, I use it as a way to tell people to be patient with me and let me know when I do something wrong so I can fix it. Plus, it generally leads to greater understanding. The kind of Autism I have isn’t really shown in media or pop culture. Most people would know something is off about me, but not be aware it’s Autism due to the savant-type that’s shown so often.

Do you have any other mental health diagnosis?

I have ADHD and Anxiety. I joke that I’m all kinds of delightfully weird!

Are you medicated/ever been medicated? 

I have medication for ADHD and Anxiety, but not Autism. They make a big difference in my life. Without my ADHD meds, I can’t focus and after a few days, get so exhausted I’m sleeping for fourteen hours a day. My anxiety meds help prevent migraines and anxiety attacks. It’s been a generally positive experience.

Looking back in childhood, what were the signs?

So many that I didn’t even realize were signs until later in life! Up until college, I’d had no clue sensory processing issues come along with Autism. I’ve always been the world’s pickiest eater, like unusually picky. The list of foods I do eat is significantly shorter than the list of foods I don’t. Not to mention I can’t sleep with a sheet and never have, always the fitted sheet and blanket only. Noises have an effect on me, certain types of music give me migraines, flashing lights also give me migraines, it’s a whole circus of sensory processing difficulties. Maintaining friendships is a big one, too. As a kid, I was never able to maintain friendships and I always got bullied for being the weird kid. I never knew why. Now, I know that the way I view friendship and act with others is often fundamentally different than what neurotypical people do. I have a neurospicy friend group that I wouldn’t change for the world now. I also was never able to deal with change. When I was seven and told we’d be moving to another state, I threw a fit unlike any other. My parents pulled a prank on me and my brother for April Fool’s Day when I was in middle school saying we were moving to another state and I wouldn’t talk to them for hours I got so mad! Thankfully they apologized.

What was your childhood and teenage years like for you being autistic?

Difficult. There’s not really any other word for it, to be honest. I clashed with my parents and brother, I got bullied, and I often found myself isolated in my room with books because I had no friends. Things got better in high school, I made a steady group of friends and joined the theatre program. Looking back, there were things I did that I obviously should no have done, but I really didn’t know any better at the time. It was really lonely until I made friends in high school. Even my parents knew I was a lonely kid. The teenage years got better after I finished middle school. Having joined a club and made friends that were either almost or just as weird as I was helped with them sticking around. I also calmed down and wasn’t as temperamental as I was in elementary and middle school.

If you could go back in time and tell child you anything, what would it be?

It gets better. It may be really tough now, but you’re gonna have experiences and friendships so great that you won’t be lonely again. You’re gonna go through a lot to get there, but you’ll wind up in an amazing job in early childhood education. The kids will love you so much. I promise you, no matter how tough it is now and how tough it’s gonna be in the future, it will get better.

Do you feel independent in life or do you rely on family or social workers etc for support?

I live completely independently! Well, I have a roommate, but that’s because the renting market is expensive and our wages are low! There are times when I rely on my parents, but it’s very rare and usually when I’m low on money. Even then, we agree to make it a loan.

Do you have sensory issues?

All the sensory issues. Name a sense, I have an issue. For my job, I did a training course on sensory processing and found out that there are eight senses! Taste, touch, hearing, smelling, sight, balance, movement, and interoception, which is the ability to feel what’s going on in your body. Finding out about the last three opened my brain and made me realize why I’m clumsy with a weird sense of balance and can feel insane hunger pangs even when I’m not that hungry. It’s weird, too, because I present both seeking and avoidant behaviors for all of the senses. I love roller coasters, strong tastes like garlic, and I can’t stand silence. At the same time, I’m a massive klutz, certain strong smells and tastes like broccoli make me want to vomit, and some kinds of music, like rap, give me migraines. It’s a weird combination and I’m still able to live my daily life, but I doubt I can enjoy as much as a neurotypical person can.

Do you have special interests/passions/hobbies?

I like to call myself the world’s biggest nerd. My special interests rotate! In middle school, everything Percy Jackson. I practically had the books memorized. I still love them because the story is just so good! It was a great form of escapism for me during a time when I was pretty lonely, too. Right now I’d have to say anime. I have a decent-sized collection of English voice actors for some of my favorite animes that I’ve been collecting since 2019. I’m going through a watch of Demon Slayer, I finished what’s available of My Hero Academia, and I also finished what’s there for Spy X Family. I even love to go to cons and meet voice actors, go to panels, and shop around! It’s super fun for me because I get to meet like-minded people who love the same things I do. Cons are a place where I’m embraced for my encyclopedic knowledge on Percy Jackson and the Olympians, not shunned for it.

Are you cis/hetero/LGBTQIA+ or Other? (Do you like/dislike these terms?)

I’m cisgender and bisexual. I’m fine with the terms that are presented currently as they’re frequently updated due to changing modern themes.

What does gender & gender expression mean to you?

Gender and gender expression, to me, means the freedom to express oneself the way they feel is right. People shouldn’t be restricted due to the norms of the times. A hundred years ago, it was practically unthinkable for a woman to wear pants! Now, more women wear pants than skirts and dresses. As norms change, so does gender expression. While I do wear women’s clothes and keep my hair in a more feminine cut, I don’t wear makeup or shave my legs like many other women because I just don’t want to. This is a form of gender expression, too. If I’m free to express myself how I want to, so should others.

How important is autism identity/gender identity to you? Is one more important than the other? Do you think they are linked together or completely separate?

I think it’s a complicated question with an even more complicated answer. While confidently cisgender, I do believe there is some link between Autism and gender identity. Autistic people tend to see the world in a dramatically different way from others. When we look at gender norms, a lot of us wonder why it’s the way it is, why is gender this rigid binary in the eyes of many. Gender identity and Autism are equally important, people can find comfort in an Autism diagnosis the same way they find comfort in realizing that they’re transgender or nonbinary, Because people on the spectrum view the world the way we do, it can lead to a whole bunch of questions about our own gender identities and sexuality. I love that we view the world in such a different way, so we can call out things that are weird or wrong in our eyes, including gender norms.

Are you employed? Do you struggle to get/keep a job?

I am employed. I currently work as a young toddler teacher in an early childhood education facility. I love my job and my kids. Honestly I’ve rarely been let go, so keeping a job isn’t the issue. Finding jobs can be difficult, but I attribute that to the current job market. I like to think I do exceedingly well at my job as I care for these kids and do whatever I can for them, but there will always be things I need to improve on. The biggest problem I encounter is overstimulation from how crazy my classroom can get, but I’ve been working on dealing with that in my own ways.

Does your employer/colleagues know you are autistic? 

They do! I let them know so that if I need support, they’re more willing to give it. Also, so they’re more patient when I make mistakes and letting me know to fix them.

Are you Introvert/Extrovert?

I’m a social introvert. While I like to hang out with people, it does drain my social battery and I need time alone to recharge.

How do you feel about being autistic? 

I feel empowered. It enables me to see the world in a different way and call out the injustices going on. While it is exhausting, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m delightfully weird, after all!

Do you have autistic/neurotypical friends? 

Most of my friends are some type of neurospicy. It makes it easier to maintain the friendship, in my opinion, because we all have a greater understanding of one another than a neurotypical person could have.

Thinking about autism research and studies, what questions do you think the professionals should be asking?

Why are high-functioning Autistic kids seen as weird in a negative way?

Are you interested in/do you consider yourself Feminist/Environmentalist/Socialist/Gender Critical/Trans Ally/Humanist etc 

I’m big on social activism in general, frankly. There’s a ton of social issues I feel connected to.

Political stance?

Liberal

Thank you Sydney for your voice! 🙂

Each day there will be a new interview published here so stay tuned for another autistic voice tomorrow…

Next interview in the series:

https://auntieautism.wordpress.com/2024/03/28/autistic-interviews-19-joe-s/

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